2008
A better year
Once I made the decision to watch "Evangelion", I went to Best Buy on 23rd street and broadway. And bought the whole series. Now the series consists of 26 episodes, and a movie called "End of Evangelion." But "End of Evangelion" is sold separately from the series. And at the time I bought the series, the movie was out of print.
Luckily, I was told that it was available at Netflix.com, so I had plenty of patience. I just wanted to watch the series and see what all the hype was about. So I bought the series for almost 60 dollars, and brought it home to watch. The cover was gorgeous, and I couldn't stop looking at it. Before I bought the series, I use to just browse around Best Buy and look at it for many minutes.
So when Eva Yojimbo kept talking about it, I was very pleased that it was this anime that had the beautiful silver coloring to it. And when I finally watched, it was very addicting. The first episode wasn't as engrossing as I was hoping it would be, but it became more absorbing over the course of it's length. And like most anime series, the episodes were only 20+ minutes long. For awhile, I became cold turkey to anime and forgot how short an episode could be.
So when the first episode had ended, I was pretty startled, because I didn't want it to end. The first episode just kept getting better, and better. The character development was really intelligent, and it was refreshing to see an anime that didn't have a cliche hero who wants to save the entire world, or a one-dimensional tough guy.
The anime is about a teenage boy named Shinji Ikari. He was abandoned by his own father, his mother died at an early age, and he was deeply depressed. On the surface, he's a typical anime character. But underneath, he was really ground breaking for the anime medium. He didn't want to save the world, or pilot a giant mecha.
What teenage boy wouldn't want to pilot a giant mecah?! When I was a 14, I would of loved to pilot a mecha. Shinji not only refused to pilot the robot, but he was whining about it. He didn't want to fight in battle, because his father told him too. If it was anybody else who asked him to pilot the mecha, he would of done it. But since he was told by his own father, he didn't want to do it.
I have never seen anything quit like that in anime. Especially one that involved giant mechas. Which made me even more interested in "Evangelion." Right from the jump, it was turning into one of the most original and unique pieces of cinema I have ever seen.
When Shinji was done whining and telling his father that he didn't want to pilot the giant mecha, they decided to use Rei Ayanami to pilot the giant mecha. She was badly injured after some training session, and could barely get out of the hospital bed that was carrying her. Shinji saw her and had pity on her.
While all of this was happening, a monster called an "Angel" was attacking Tokyo 3. You see, the setting for "Evangelion" takes place during the year 2015 in a city called Tokyo 3. The old Tokyo was destroyed 15 years prior to the events that take place during the anime. An explosion in the year 2000 caused a catastrophe of epic proportions. It was called "Second Impact."
The "Second Impact" almost destroyed Antarctica, and killed half of the human population. During the first half of the series, it's believed that "Second Impact" was caused by a meteorite. Which landed in Antarctica, caused tsunamis, and lead to a global climate change. This also lead to a nuclear war, and Tokyo was nuked during that war.
In the year 2010, an organization called Gehirn changed into the paramilitary organization called Nerv which is headquartered in Tokyo 3. Which is a militarized civilian city located on one of the dry sections of Japan. And that's basically the whole setting of the series during it's first half. What it evolves into during the second half, is incredible.
The job for Nerv, is to fight against the Angels. And the opening of the first episode, shows the third Angel attacking Tokyo 3. Regular weapons prove to be ineffective, which is why giant Mechas are created to fight against them. These mechas are called "Evangelion's."
The characters who were introduced in the first episode were Shinji Ikari, Misato Katsuragi, Rei Ayanami, Gendo Ikari(Shinji's father), Ritsuko Akagi, Kozo Fuyutsuki, and the entire Nerv staff. I just wanted to explain the setting of this anime, so that there is not a lot of confusion. But this is a very complicated work of art. It twists and turns when you least expect it. And has multiple layers within it's narrative.
Now back to the main events that took place during the first episode. Shinji is called upon to pilot an Evangelion called Unit 01.. When he refuses the job, his father decides to use Rei Ayanami. She is physically unable to pilot or do anything, due to the injuries that she received during a training session. Shinji feels pity towards her, and tries to help her out.
But when the Angel attacks, the impact of it's weapon shakes the headquarters and causes it to break a little. So when it attacks, pieces of the roof top are about to fall on both Shinji and Rei. When suddenly, the Evangelion that Shinji was going to pilot, moves it's hand to save Shinji and Rei from dying. It used it's hand to cover both Shinji and Rei, and saved their lives.
When I saw that scene, I was amazed. The Eva was not functional, nor did it move until that moment. So how was it able to move it's own hand? Misato and Ritsuko were asking the same thing. After that moment, Shinji looks at his hand, and it's covered with Rei's blood. He says tom himself, "I'm not gonna run away, I'm not gonna run away, I'm not gonna run away."
Again, I was amazed by the emotional depth of the characters. To me, Shinji was an easy character to root for, and connect with. And once he gained the courage to pilot the Eva, I was hooked. I knew that I would be watching this series to the very end. It was at that moment, I knew that this anime would make some type of impact in my life.
As Shinji got into Unit 01, I was amazed at the amount of details that went into the animation of the Eva, and it's design. The music, and the editing had perfect timing. It just didn't seem to miss a beat.
As the Eva was lifted from Nerv headquarters, to the surface of Tokyo 3, I became more intrigued by the visuals and aesthetics of each shot. And as my anticipation of seeing the Evangelion fight the angel, the episode came to it's conclusion.
I was annoyed because I wanted to see the battle, but I was very intrigued. So I popped in episode 2, and it showed the beginning of the battle, but not the thing until somwhere around the middle of the episode. The first couple scenes show Shinji getting beat down by the angel. This part really shocked me, because in most mecha animes, the hero usually either knows how to pilot the mecah, or figures it out very quickly and destroys the enemy. But this has some more realism to it.
In real life, a teenager with no military experience, would be killed during his(or her) first time in battle. So it made sense that Shinji didn't do so well during his first battle. In fact, it looks like he gets killed by the angel, or knocked unconscious. Misato screams Shinji's name and then it cuts to a shot of Shinji in a Hospital room.
That was some of the best quick-cutting I have ever seen in cinema. I was really into that Battle sequence and kinda on the edge of my seat. So when the quick cut happened, I was shocked, but never got annoyed. I wanted to dee where this series was going, and I was completely engrossed into the tone and atmosphere that it was creating.
Once Shinji gets out of the Hospital. He moves in with Misato, and we get to learn more about her life. She's a complete slob, and a drunk. She doesn't clean up her house, and all she has is beer in her fridge. But it was some very interesting character development, and not something that I had expected.
In most animes and stories from cinema and literature, one of the main heroes is usually not a drunk. And I didn't know that during the time I was watching the anime, because I didn't know a whole lot about literature or anime. But in most cases, the heroes in a story are conventional. While the characters in "Evangelion" were unconventional and didn't seem to fit a single category.
In the second episode, we're introduced to Pen Pen. Who is a hot spring penguin, with a high degree of intelligence. And he's Misato's pet. We get to see the rest of the battle scene, which are both violent, and shocking. Just when you think Shinji and his Evangelion had lost the battle, the Eva goes into berserk mode and starts attacking relentlessly. It's starts operating without any power, or support from Nerv. And it beats the Angel to point where the angel decides to commit a kamikaze of some sort, in order to destroy the Evangelion. It didn't work. The angel exploded, and the Eva survived.
So while it had a lot of realism, it still had that fantasy element behind it. I wasn't expected that. In the third episode, we see how the war against the angels effects the psychological and emotional aspects of Shinji. We're introduced to Toji and Kensuke. Toji hated Shinji at first, because his sister was injured during the battle between Shinji and the angel. The kids at the school figured out that it was Shinji who piloted the Evangelion.
So Toji punched Shinji a couple times to teach him a lesson. He was basically taking out his anger and frustration of Shinji, since he couldn't do anything to help his sister. Kensuke is an otaku and military buff who's hobbies involve camping in the mountains of Tokyo 3, and doing simulated war reenactments by himself. When the fourth Angel comes to attack Tokyo 3, Kensuke solidifies his friendship with Shinji, after Shinji saves both Kensuke and Toji. Kensuke would love to pilot an Evangelion, since he was completely oblivious the physical and psychological stress that the pilots have to endure.
Kensuke is the cliched anime hero, in a mecha anime. He's spirited, and wants to pilot a giant mecha and fight in a war. He's a cliche, but he bounces off of Shinji perfectly, because Shinji is the main hero. We kinda get to see the anti-hero, reflect off of the ordinary anime character during episode 4. Which to me, is the best episode of the first half. Because we finally got to see the series go into a different route.
"Evangelion" is one of the few pieces of cinema that develops it's protagonist through visuals, aesthetics, and images. This is done with Shinji, during the fourth episode. He's completely developed by the end of that episode, and he doesn't have a lot of dialogue. His whole character development is done with the narration other characters like Ritsuke, and Misato. We learn about the Hedgehog dilemma that many people suffer from.
The Hedgehog's dilemma is a concept described by philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer and later adopted by Freud. It's the title of the fourth episode, and it is mentioned in the episode by Misato, to describe her relationship with Shinji. This is a fascinating philosophy that has a lot of truth to it. That many people are like hedgehog's. We want to get close to each other, but we're afraid of hurting one another, so we back away. It's an analogy about the challenges of human intimacy.
When the fourth episode came to an end, I was blown away. I've never seen anything like that in cinema, nor anime. It was one of the most beautiful, emotional, and powerful pieces of visual story telling I have ever seen. I'm a Terrence Malick fan, so I'm well aware of a films tone and atmosphere being used to tell a story. And that's exactly what happened in the fourth episode of "Neon Genesis Evangelion." It used nature, the tone, and the atmosphere to show the isolation and loneliness that Shinji was going through.
It's an episode that displayed a lot of truth about the psychological struggles that people go through. About the challenges of intimacy, and how uncomfortable it makes us feel. It showed that both Misato and Shinji needed one another, and had to deal with the pain and struggles of intimacy.
Many of the characters in "Evangelion" deal with deep psychological traumas, in relation to their parents. Shinji's introversion and social anxiety comes from the death of his mother at an early, and the abandonment of his father. In episode 7, we're introduced to Asuka Langley Soryu who pilots Unit 02. She was a target of her mother's insanity, and discovered her mother's body after she hanged herself. Asuka's tough, bullying personality is a means of distraction from her pain, and has made piloting Unit 02 her only source of pride and satisfaction.
Misato's father neglected her when she was a teenager, and after he was killed during Second Impact, she stopped talking for a couple years. Ritsuko saw her mother having an affair Gendo Ikari; after her mothers suicide, she felt both attraction and hate towards Gendo. The characters are basically walking contradictions. They hate, and love each other. They want to be next to each other, but can't stand to be near each other. Their very complex, and complicated characters, which makes them some of the most humane and realistic characters ever created in an anime.
Rei Ayanami is particularly complex. She starts off as a dream girl for any otaku fanboy. She's beautiful, quiet, and doesn't talk too much. She is a figure of a lot of mens dream girl. But the more she falls for Shinji, the most complex she becomes. During the training session, she is locked in the capsule that goes into the Evangelion, and Shinji's father saves her. So when Shinji saves her in episode 6, he looks like his father, which makes Rei connect with him a lot more. Rei might be the most ambiguous character, because her emotions and actions are entirely open for interpretations.
As the series progresses, we see the series evolve into something darker, sinister, and depressing. It goes from being just another mecha anime with a couple innovative moments, and one ground breaking episode like "The Hedgehog's Dilemma." And the design of the Evangelion's were highly ground breaking during the time the series premiered, and hasn't been replicated since. But the first half is definitely more conventional, then the second half. The first half has some filler episodes, which actually do well to contribute to the characterization of some of the characters like Asuka, and Rei. But the first half is nothing entirely special.
But the second half take things to a whole new level. We learn more about the psychological problems of the characters. And as they get become more mentally ill, the story starts to break apart. It begins to deconstruct itself from being a typical mecha anime, to becoming an allegory about the downward spiral of depression. The great thing about "Neon Genesis Evangelion" is that it can work on a number of different allegories. But it's primary allegory is it's realistic depiction of depression. And when you're depressed, you feel worthless, horrible, and completely insecure. Or at least have some form of social anxiety and fear of other people.
The depression that characters go through during "Evangelion", is the same depression that I went through. I was mostly a combination between Asuka and Shinji. Where I took pride and satisfaction in materialistic things, and had some social anxiety around people. And like most people, I'm a hedgehog. Which means that while I want to fall in love and be intimate with someone, I'm afraid too, because I'm afraid of being hurt. I also seem to be a walking contradiction, in the sense that I love and dislike the people that are the closest to me.
So "Evangelion" was hitting home with me, connecting with me, and showing me what I was going through. It also showed how I should change myself and become a better person. So it not only connected with me on a superficial, and visual level. But it also connected to me emotionally and spiritually. When I saw the whole series, I was brought to tears. The whole anime was an emotional roller coaster, and it touched my heart in a way that most animes have failed to do.
I think the only other anime that brought me to tears, was "Grave of the Fireflies." But it never got to me, on a more personal level. With "Evangelion", it almost like looking in a mirror. In fact, in the finale, it does become like a mirror. Because during the last two episodes, the characters are analyzed psychologically, with a voice asking the characters questions about their issues. The voice was the therapist, and the characters were patients. Then it starts feeling like I was getting analyzed, and that the questions for the characters, were questions for me.
During the last two episodes, Gendo and Rei initiate the Human Instrumentality Project. Forcing several characters to face their doubts, and fears and examine their self worth. By doing this, the series makes me do the same things. I started to face my fears, doubts, and examining my very existence. Not in a way that was conscious, but during my sub conscious. Somehow, the series made me thing in my sub conscious, and question myself.
The ending was made up of flash backs, sketchy artwork, and flashing text "over a montage of bleak visuals, that include black and white photos of desolate urban motifs such as a riderless bicycle or vacant park benches interspersed with graphic stills of the devastated Nerv headquarters in which Shinji's colleagues are seen as bloodstained bodies. There's also a brief interlude that depicts an alternate "Evangelion" world, where all of the characters are happy, and living normal lives that many anime characters live in a high school setting. The interlude is comedic, and very optimistic. It's jarring, but I loved how daring it was.
That interlude brought me to tears, because it reminded me of how I want my life to be a normal, happy life. A life with not a whole lot of pain, where I grew up as a normal kid, who everybody idolized, and that my parents loved each other and never got a divorce. At that time, I was an agnostic, so I didn't believe in God, but I couldn't deny his(or her) existence. So I'd sometimes wish that God had given me a different life, a better life.
The final episode concludes with Shinji realizing that life is worth living. Luckily, I came to that same conclusion as well. Life is worth living. Shinji realized that he didn't have to pilot an Eva to justify his existence. Then he is surrounded by most of the cast in the series, clapping and congratulating him. The introduction implies that this took place for everyone.
These complex questions that are brought up in the last two episodes, make us wonder who we are. These questions consist of our daily contemplation of our existence, relationships, friendships, and our spirituality. So while "Evangelion" is a very depressing and pessimistic work of art. It's also optimistic in the sense where it asks questions, and gives us hope with it's vague answers.
I also learned that the Second Impact wasn't caused by a meteorite. It was caused during an experiment that was being done on the first Angel: Adam. And that's what cause a cataclysmic explosion that changed the Earth forever. The whole plot in the first half was being torn apart and dissected. And I loved every minute of it.
Apparently, Second Impact was the result of an experiment being sponsored by the mysterious organization known as Seele. And carried out by the research organization Gehirn. This was a shocking revelation, and it made me look at the series from an entirely different point of view.
After I got done with the series, I was ready to watch "End of Evangelion." The series ended in an abstract way, with different visual layers that were suppose to be symbolic and not to really to be taken literally. While "End of Evangelion" ends the narrative.
I got "End of Evangelion" from Netflix, and it was an emotional roller coaster that I might never forget. It was a layered, in depth character study of Shinji Ikari. The last two episodes in the series, took place in Shinji's mind, while "End of Evangelion" took place outside of his mind. Many scenes are very abstract, create different metaphors, and can be interpreted in different ways.
In the series finale, third impact finally happens. But while it's happening, we're only seeing what's happening inside of Shinji's mind. And the ending is both up-lifting and confusing at the same time. "End of Evangelion" shows everything that happens during Third Impact. It shows what happens during Instrumentality and other events that are prophecised in the Dead Sea Scrolls.
In instrumentality, every person's soul becomes one entity. All the people who had suffered in their lives, were being put into a state of bliss for eternity. No more pain, anguish, hurt, anger, or hate. The fate of the world was left in Shinji's hands and he decided to end it, by allowing Third Impact to happen, in order to create instrumentality.
Now this type of plot could of been done in a conventional way. But because Shinji is a teenage boy with psychological and emotional problems, there is an added depth to the out come of instrumentality. Because if I felt depressed, suicidal, and was given the choice to end the world, I would do it. It's the only logical option in my opinion.
But during instrumentality, Shinji realizes that all the pain that he went through was a good thing. That pain and depression he went through, were the very things that made him human. So instead of allowing everybody to be in instrumentality forever, he decided to allow everybody to come back to Earth, whenever they choose to come back.
He realized that pain is a good thing, and something that we all must go through in order to be a stronger person. But Shinji will always wonder where will he find his true happiness. That's something I use to ask myself a lot, until I found God again. Before God, I didn't really have a purpose. But now I do have a purpose in life, which means that I can find my happiness through God.
Like the series, "End of Evangelion" is like a puzzle, within a puzzle, within a puzzle. You can put together one piece, but there are many pieces to the puzzle that can be put together in one way or another. And while "End of Evangelion" ends the narrative and brings everything to a satisfying conclusion, the last scene is still entirely open for interpretations.
It is one of my favorite scenes in cinema. It is called "One more final: I need you." The message at the end of this scene is that life is hard. It can be so hard that I would want to curl up and cry. But even when it's hard, there is that ray of light shining for all of humanity. There is hope for all of us, and hope will last for an eternity.
That's the message behind "Evangelion." After all the philosophy and the spirituality, the message is that there is hope for all of us. But "Evangelion" doesn't try to express that message in way that's easy. It doesn't try to tie everything up in a neat bow. It shows the reality of life, and shows it's true message in the midst of a lot of violence and disturbing scenes.
In the last scene of "End of Evangelion", Shinji and Asuka wake up on a beach. I guess this scene is showing the viewer that Shinji and Asuka will be the new Adam and Eve for Earth. But Shinji starts choking Asuka. But Asuka stops him from killing her, by rubbing his cheek with her hand.
That moment sums up the entire message. That even within the midst of despair and suffering, there is still hope for humanity. This is why I consider Shinji to be one of the greatest and most complex characters in cinematic history. Because after all of his whining and pessimistic attitude towards life, he decides that he would go through that pain all over again. Because those moments were the most important moments in his life.
I came to that realization as well. I had to live through these painful moments in my life, because that is what makes me human. And when I'd persevere, I would become stronger and gain deep knowledge of myself and who I can become. That life isn't a punishment, it's a gift from God. A gift that I must not take for granted, and appreciate every day of my life.
Looking back on my experience with "Evangelion", I think God created "Evangelion." He created it, to help me with my emotional state, my social issues, and how I can over come them. Back then, I didn't believe in God. But there was something powerful happening, that went beyond my understanding. And at that time, I called it "Evangelion."
Now don't get wrong. I still had to deal with my depression, and my life didn't immediately get better after I was done watching "Evangelion." It's a depressing show, and some episodes could ruin your day. In fact, I was watching "Evangelion" and another show called "Twin Peaks." And both of these series are very heavy, emotionally draining, and highly disturbing.
But with "Evangelion", I realized that my life is not worthless, and that I shouldn't run away from my problems. And that knowledge didn't hit me, until over the summer of 2008. When I decided to get off my butt, and socialize with other people who love anime, and "Evangelion."
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