2006,2007
Very depressing years
My personal walk to find myself started around 2006 and 2007, as I was getting into heated debates, discussions, and arguments with different people on IMDB. I had been a member of IMDB since 2005, always made regular comments there, and had many interesting discussions and arguments.
But 2007 was different; my discussions principally mainly involved "2001: A Space Odyssey", and it was also first time that I had ever heard of an anime called "Neon Genesis Evangelion."
One of the members named Eva Yojimbo, just constantly kept recommending to watch the anime "Neon Genesis Evangelion." I couldn't understand why he was so obsessed over it, or how he could compare a cartoon to great cinema like "2001: A Space Odyssey", "Blade Runner", "Seven Samurai", "Mulholland Drive", or "Vertigo." And not only did he rank them next to those films, he put it above them! I was shocked, and became curious with this obsessive love he had towards "Evangelion."
While I was through all these different discussions and debates in 2007, my life was in a constant state of depression. I kept feeling like I was going down a black hole, and couldn't find a way out. All four walls were crushing me and I didn't know what to do. My heart was filled with sorrow, and despair. I hated the fact that I couldn't get a girlfriend, and that I was a recluse. I would avoid the pain, by playing video games all day, or just expressing my anger towards my family and what few friends I had during that time. My depression didn't get any better, as my geek world seemed to be falling apart around me. Comic-books felt empty, shallow, and repetitive to me. I subjected myself to awful comic-book adaptations like "Ghost Rider", and "Spiderman 3." And even video games didn't seem to fill that emptiness within my heart.
So my geek life was in hades during that time. I had to endure the bloated and mindless "X-Men 3" one of the worst experiences of my life. I was disappointed in "Superman Returns" for having a boring story, and no action at all. It was basically a CGI version of Richard Donner's original movie, without a good story, more plot-holes, and a nonexistent interesting love story.
Then the very next year came the dreadful "Ghost Rider" flick, with Nicholas Cage. It made excellent money at the box office, but I felt as if I had completely wasted my time and money on one of the most empty experiences of my life. And then came "Spiderman 3", one of the biggest cinematic disappointments in recent memory.
It just felt like everything was crashing around me. My personal life was uninteresting, my geek life with comic-books wasn't that exciting, and superhero films were getting worse. In fact, the only great comic-book adaptations that I saw during that time, came out in 2005. And those films were "Batman Begins" and "Sin City."
Yet that year also had these dreadful flicks, "Elektra" and "Fantastic Four."
2005 wasn't a great year for comic book fans like me, yearning for just ONE great year at the cinemas for superhero films, and comic-book adaptations. No, 2005 was not the year, when my walk toward spiritualism really got started; it definitely began in late 2006, and the summer of 2007.
That summer was an intense time and anxious time in my life. I was 20 years old, and I had a crush on a girl named Addie, but we couldn't stop arguing. We almost began to fight each other at Barnes N Noble at Union Square, which is one of the biggest, and most beautiful Barnes N Nobles that I have ever seen.
Yes, we caused a scene that day in late June of 2007, and we haven't talked much since then. We reconciled for a bit, but she became very busy with her political campaign work and that took up most of her time.
She was so such a cute girl, with an incredible body and a spirited personality. She was always open about her sex life, political views, and many other things. I loved her so much, but I had to argue with her. I had to constantly debate her, and I had to win those debates. I wanted her to bow down, and acknowledge my intelligence and masculinity as a man. But that never happened.
I remember we got into a huge argument about George W. Bush. I claimed that he was a do nothing President. She became angry, and called my argument one of the most idiotic, and asinine things that she had ever heard spoken by anyone. Well, technically, she was right. George W. Bush was never a do nothing President. He fought a war in Afghanistan post 9/11/2001, he started an unnecessary war in Iraq, and cut taxes for the rich.
Yet I loved it when Addie got mad, because it turned me on. Seeing her get angry, her face turning red gave me immense satisfaction, and made me want her even more. Therefore, I didn't try to correct my statements and tell here that I did think Bush had performed and promoted legislation to assist people who were poor or in need of help."
That would of been the right thing to say, since it had merit. Emphasizing that Bush didn't do anything, was completely false on my part. He did do many things for all American citizens albeit more for the rich...his base...but he accomplished much in his administration, and that's an absolute fact!
Our argument happened late 2006. It must of been in December, because two of my best friends Anthony and Edie became a couple around November, and were just getting closer to each other , and couldn't stop making out in public. I envied Anthony for having her, because I had a crush on her too. I envied Anthony, for being better looking then me. But then I started envying his relationship with Edie, and the connection they had, the love and compassion. It was all there, and I really needed that in my life. This was basically three years before God would find that special person who would fill that void in my life, and bring me back to him. So in 2006, I was an emotional wreck. Two of the girls that I wanted the most were with somebody else. One of them probably felt like I was an annoying little brat(Addie), while the other just liked me as a friend(Edie). And I felt like my life just SUCKED!
Still, 2006 wasn't an entirely bad year. I got to see some great films like "Babel" and "Pan's Labyrinth." "Pan's Labyrinth" one an incredible experience, and one of the most violent fantasy films ever written. And basically most fantasy tales are pretty violent, even the ones that are dumbed down by Disney movies. Therefore, "Pan's Labyrinth" hit the mark when it got made.
Guillermo Del Toro did an excellent job and I gained genuine faith in him as a filmmaker. Because while his other film "Blade 2" was an awesome spectacle, it had no substance, and it was basically emotionless screen drivel so I didn't really care about the journey.
I rooted more for the villain in that movie, than I rooted for "Blade." And I was a huge "Blade" fanboy during that time. I loved the comics, and read alot of them, and the original film was one of the greatest marvel adaptations to this day. Probably even better then "Spiderman 2" in some cases.
"The Descent" was a fantastic horror flick, that actually scared the crap out of me. One of the great modern horror films, in an era where torture porn still seems popular among so-called horror fans. I'm sorry, but "Saw" and "Hostel" are not horror films. They're snuff flicks, dressed up as horror films.
My personal favorite films that year were "Inland Empire", "Brick", and "Half Nelson." I saw "Brick" like 5 or 6 times in the theater. I would go to the Anjelika Theater, and it was always an incredible experience. It's one of the most absorbing, original, and perfectly acted film-noirs ever made. And it showed Joseph Gordon Levitt's incredible strength as an actor, and fascinating charisma. I saw "Inland Empire" around the fall of 2007. It was a blind-buy, but that didn't matter, because I was already well educated on David Lynch during that time and knew that I was going to love. And as far as I'm concerned, it's still the best film of 2006, and you can't really find a film to compare it too. It's just a three hour dream sequence.
The best performance of 2006 was "Half Nelson" starring Ryan Gosling, who showed an astounding range of emotions in every scene.
Forrest Whittaker's performance in "The Last King Of Scotland", was phenominal but the Oscar should of gone to Ryan Gosling, for giving one of the most convincing performances of a drug addict that I have ever seen. I also felt that Clint Eastwood deserved the Oscar that year for best director instead of Martin Scorsese, but I was happy Scorsese won, because of all the great work that he's done in his career so far. I'm sure he still has a more great films left in him.
There were other good or films that year. "Letters From Iwo Jima", "Children of Men", "The Prestige", "The Departed", "Volver", "Little Miss Sunshine", "The Queen", "The Pursuit of Happiness", "Little Children", "Notes on a Scandal", "United 93", "The Last King of Scotland", and many others. There were powerful documentaries like "When the Levees Broke", and "Jesus Camp." So overall, 2006 was a really good year for cinema. Much better then 2005 in my opinion, but none of this is really important. I'm just giving you a window into my love for cinema. This is barely the tip of the Ice Burg. But my main focus is on how God put together so many crazy things in line, in order for me to get back to him. And not just my geek life, but in my personal life as well.
By the end of 2006, I didn't feel like I had a purpose, I was obsessed with movies, obsessed with girls, and obsessed with Bragelina! When I would I see my therapist, I wouldn't really talk about myself, because I never felt like there was anything of interest to talk about. I was thinking about girls, masturbating alot, watching porn, playing video games, watching movies, thinking about whatever Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were doing. And that was it. I didn't feel like talking about the fact that I was yelling and arguing with my mother most of the time. I didn't want to talk about my depression, sadness, or my anger towards God. I didn't want to talk about the fact that I wanted to be with Addie, Eddie, or whatever girl that went past me.
I was pissed that Addie wasn't my girlfriend. She was beautiful, articulate, quirky, had a great body, and was very opinionated. And we were so opinionated, that it basically ruined whatever friendship that we could of had. I also use to feel bullied by her as well. She use to pick on me for being a virgin, and just poked fun at me for any reason. But when I finally lost my tempter and told her to "eff off", our friendship just ended. We didn't fight, or have a huge yelling match. But that episode was enough for us to realize that we couldn't be around each other anymore. Our falling out happened around June of 2007. Which made me sad, because she was a good friend of mine
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